I've just returned from a weeklong stay at home for my Spring Break. Instead of going anywhere exciting, I decided I needed some downtime and went home instead. I don't regret it at all. :) The only thing is, basically my whole family is sick so I had to take care of dad the whole week. Not very fun. And none of my friends were really home so I spent a lot of time on the couch, a lot of "me" time doing nothing. Which seems outwardly un-fun but I really feel okay about it. I also spoke to someone from Camp Wayne for Girls this week. We set up my interview for Wednesday March 25 at 1pm at BGSU. Should be a good time. I'm really excited about this camp prospect. I want a raw experience that is different from anything I've ever tried. And this is going to be fun.  Just...being away from Derek for eight weeks might prove to be harder than I think it will be.

The day I got home, I got a letter from the College of Graduate Studies.

I got into grad school! Starting this summer!

I'm beyond excited. I mean, I know I was overreacting in being stressed out that I hadn't received a letter yet. But it's just one of those things that you want to hang on your fridge or run around the house yelling about. Which is almost what I did. I'm yelling and getting all excited and my family is all like "uh cool." Hmm. Ah well. It's a personal victory.

It was so nice to be back last night. Nice to see Derek for the first time in a week. Nice to save $20ish on clothes at Kohl's because it was an associate shopping day. Nice to have Evan cook me dinner! YUM. And nice to know now that the sunglasses I bought yesterday will be put to VERY good use today :) Only half a semester left! And then I graduate and stuff. BLAAAA! I can't believe four years of college is quickly coming to an end. I know I never update anything of substance in here. I read all of these weblogs on my subscriptions and feel like I don't measure up. And then I realize I just have to stop comparing myself to others.

I think I might write more later. I think I'm getting sick after spending the week with my awesome family. My body hurts and I just feel like I could sleep in a whole day or so. But more work after this!

I just posted this File of Facts widget for 250 credits. You can earn free credits too!

I'm sitting here at work on a Sunday morning. It's absolutely quiet here, it's my favorite shift. No one in a college residence hall leaves their room before noon on a Sunday morning!  Anyways, I'm working on a paper for my Theories in Criminal Justice class, and I've just been thinking. I've felt so off lately, so lost and confused, so...weird. Decidedly NOT me.

And then something hit me, as I'm highlighting and writing my notes: I'm graduating from college in three months. Seeing as this is something I've never done before, I'm quite terrified. Something about not knowing the plan, or at least knowing what's next...it just gets to me. And, I know what's next, technically...Grad school and all. But I don't know what I'm going to be doing about that yet. Am I going to get an assistantship? And if I do, should I do one in my major, or one with Residence Life that guarantees me a free apartment? If I do the Criminal Justice one, I can live with Derek, Brian, and Heather, at minimal cost. But part of me also wants my own SPACE. Something I haven't had since I graduated high school. I've had to share rooms, or have my own room while knowing that the space and furniture are not mine, and can be revoked at any time...needless to say, I hope you don't blame me when I say I want my own room, my own space.

I feel like I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life and it's difficult for me because I don't know which decision to make. I know that this is the sort of situation where there is no wrong answer, but it's just difficult for the time being, I suppose. And then there's this whole Baker paper thing...I'm going to be appealing it with the department chair, and I just don't feel like I have the emotional fortitude to do it right now. I need to learn to stop crying in stressful situations and just face them. One example of this is when I receive constructive criticism. Most of the time, I feel sensitive and attacked, so I cry and get upset. When really, I should be thanking them for their input and applying it to become a better person. I feel like my high emotional expressiveness level is both a curse and a blessing. I love expressing how I feel, but sometimes I need to just be as strong as I can be and not show people how I'm feeling.

I am starting to realize little details about myself. Like the fact that I'm obsessed with office supplies, and I have a pen collection rivaling OfficeMax. Or that I work at Bath and Body Works because I really love their items at a discount. Also, I secretly love makeup, especially Urban Decay eye products. These are all things that have become apparent to me only in the past few weeks. After 22 years, I'm realizing these things? I feel like such a mystery to myself sometimes. I think I know myself, and then my "self" reminds me that I've got a LOT more learning to do. I've got a lot of important milestones coming up for me. It's okay to not know how to deal with them, right?

I don't know where I'm trying to get with this rambling. All I know is, I'm stressed and frazzled, and I need to figure out what to do to just. chill. out.